30 Of History’s Most Famous (And Hilarious) Insults

Below is a gallery of responses, retorts, and comebacks that are so witty that they’ve outlived the person who delivered them — enjoy our collection of history’s funniest insults:

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Victor Hugo God Was Bored By Him

Victor Hugo: "God was bored by him."

Winston Churchill On Americans

Winston Churchill: "Americans will always try to do the right thing-- after they've tried everything else."

William Shakespeare History's Funniest Insults

William Shakespeare: "The tautness of his face sours ripe grapes."

Hilarious Historical Insults Mae West

Mae West: "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."

Gandhi's Famous Comeback On Western Civilization

Mahatma Gandhi: "What do you think of Western Civilization?" "I think it would be a good idea."

Mark Twain On Jane Austen

Mark Twain on Jane Austen: "Every time I read Pride And Prejudice, I want to dig Jane Austen up and hit her over the skull with her own shin bone."

Elizabeth Taylor Funny Insults On Men

Elizabeth Taylor: "Some of my best leading men have been dogs and horses."

Groucho Marx Never Forgets A Face

Groucho Marx: "I never forget a face, but in your case, I'll make an exception."

Billy Wilder: "He has Van Gogh's ear for music."

Billy Wilder: "He has Van Gogh's ear for music."

Pope Pope John Paul Funny Comeback

Pope John Paul XXIII: (When asked "How many people work in the Vatican?") "About half."

Oscar Wilde Funny Insults

Oscar Wilde: "Thinking is the most unhealthy disease in the world, and people die of it just as they die of any disease. Luckily, in England at any rate, thought is not catching."

Muhammad Ali

Muhammad Ali: "If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, then they can sure make something out of you."

MIlton Berle's Famous Insults

Milton Berle: "You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think."

Famous Insults From Mark Twain

Mark Twain: "The trouble ain't there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed right."

Margaret Thatcher On Getting Things Done

Margaret Thatcher: "If you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman."

Oscar Wilde On Happiness

Oscar Wilde: "Some cause happiness wherever they go, others whenever they go."

Dorotyhy Parker History's Hilarious Insults

Dorothy Parker: "The woman speaks eight languages and can't say 'no' in any of them."

Kurt Vonnegut Funny Insults

Kurt Vonnegut Jr.: "If your brains were dynamite, there wouldn't be enough to blow your hat off."

Marilyn Monroe Funny Insults

Marilyn Monroe: "I've often stood at a party for hours watching my movie idols turn into dull and little people."

Kierkegaard Hilarious Insults

Kierkegaard: "My opponent is a glob of snot."

History's Funniest Insults

John Adams: "In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress."

Hunter S. Thompson Quote

Hunter S. Thompson: "They don't hardly make 'em like him anymore, but I think he should be castrated anyway."

Groucho Marx He May Look Like An Idiot

Groucho Marx: "He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot, but don't let that fool you-- he really is an idiot."

EE Cummings Insult

EE Cummings: "A politician is an arse upon which everyone has sat except a man"

Funny Insults By Charlotte Whitton

Charlotte Whitton: "Whatever women must do, they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult."

Catherine The Great Being A Horrible Warning

Catherine The Great: "If you won't be a good example, then you'll have to be a horrible warning."

Calvin Coolidge Historical Burns

(On a performance) What do you think of the singer's execution? Calvin Coolidge: I'm all for it.

Aristotle History's Funniest Burns

Aristotle: "It is Homer who has chiefly taught other poets the art of lying skillfully."

Einstein On Human Stupidity

Einstein: "Only two things are infinite-- the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not so sure about the former."

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How amazing would it feel to deliver such a gut-wrenching one-liner? For even more classic insults, check out more of the best insults and history’s best comebacks!

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The World’s 10 Greenest Cities

While many in the world are still throwing their soda cans out of the car window, the Scandinavians are leading the green movement globally. According to a Green Global Economy Index report published in 2014, four of the top ten greenest cities are located in Scandinavia.

Cities were judged by their leadership on climate change, transportation, green investments and environmental capital. Part of the in-depth inspection of 60 countries and 70 cities includes analysis of how these nations and cities are developing more environmentally-friendly economies. The goal, of course, is to provide cities, countries, leaders and investors with information on how their green efforts stack up in relation to others, and what they might do to improve upon existing policies and planning.

1. Copenhagen, Denmark

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Inside The Life Of A Pirate Bay Cofounder

Shaggy Pirate Bay Cofounder

You’re viewing the site that eventually gave birth to million-dollar lawsuits and international conversations about the price we put on art, expression and its exchange. Launched in Sweden in 2003, Pirate Bay was a source of millions of music, movies, software and more–all available for free. Years later, its founders would be found guilty of copyright infringement and brought to their knees following a Swedish police raid in December 2014. The foil you’re looking at? It’s part of the TEMPEST protocol to keep EM electromagnetic signals to leave the room, which would prevent others from spying on their operation. As the historical record shows, Shaggy’s (featured above) fears were warranted.

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