Three Absurdly Crooked Charities

Charity is one of the prime virtues in what we think of as a moral life. You see someone in need, someone who has fallen through the cracks, and you step up to help even when you don’t need to and there’s nobody watching. It’s not just the right thing to do, it feels good to know that you’ve helped to make a real difference in someone’s life. Naturally, that feeling makes you an easy mark for some of the most unscrupulous bastards society has stuck to its heel. Here are a variety of crooked charities that took all the warm fuzzies of giving and turned them into the cold pricklies of financing someone’s yacht.

Crooked Charities: Aid With Bad Apples On Top

Crooked Charities Covert Money

Source: iii Web

This first type of scam is the sort of thing that could happen to anyone. Sometimes, despite the best intentions, a legitimate charitable non-profit promotes someone to a position of authority only to see that person abuse their trust by embezzling a fortune.

Such was the case (allegedly) with the Angel Fund, a privately funded charity operated by the Catholic Parish of Detroit. The fund, which has received over $17 million over the years from an anonymous benefactor, was set up as an emergency resource for people in Detroit who needed help with expenses they couldn’t cover on their own. The charity is administered by the regional Archdiocese, with funds available to any priest who wants to help a resident pay their electric bill, fill up the gas tank, or any number of other emergency expenses. This arrangement has worked pretty well in the nine years it’s been in operation since, hey—if you can’t trust a priest . . .

Crooked Charities Timothy Kane

Source: Freep

Enter the Rev. Timothy Kane, who was arraigned on February 12 of this year on charges that he and a conspirator embezzled between $1,000 and $20,000 from the fund by submitting forged requests for aid—you know, the aid that was going to keep some needy families’ lights on. While the amounts involved were pretty small by crooked-charity standards, the pair managed to rack up an impressive six felony counts each, including:

– Criminal Enterprise Conspiracy, which carries up to a 20-year sentence
– Using a Computer to Commit a Crime, which somewhat humorously carries another 20 years
– The embezzlement itself, which is apparently less serious than using a computer, according to Detroit-area law enforcement (10 years)

Crooked Charities Police Computer

Considering that Kane is currently 57 years old, a potential 50-year sentence for stealing around half of gets in his annual salary as a priest seems like a bad financial move. Again, this is the sort of thing that could happen to any well-run charity. The same cannot be said, however, about:

Crooked Charities: Those That Pay Out Reluctantly and Sporadically

Some charities are just scams, and some of those scams have risen to heroic proportions. According to the Center for Investigative Reporting and the Tampa Bay Times, some fifty charities spent the years between 2003 and 2013 throwing themselves and their leadership quite a party. Taken together, the fifty charities collected over $1.4 billion during those years, and paid out a whopping 33 percent in actual aid. The rest was generally covered as “fundraising.” That is, two-thirds of the money people gave was spent just on asking people for more money.

Crooked Charities Telemarketing Scam

“Mrs. Wilson, your generous donations will be distributed across a network of needy telemarketing centers and help fund the activities of people exactly like me.” Source: E-Podcast Network

Charities in this category typically take on preposterously worthy causes, such as firefighters and burn victims or Adorable Kids with Horrible Cancers, and then adopt names very similar to those of legitimate charities. One of the worst offenders in this category is the Kids Wish Network (note the name). Kids Wish founder, Mark Breiner, earned his annual salary of $130,000 by raising an average of $12 million a year. Breiner spent most of that on salaries for himself and family members, setting a good bit aside for multimillion-dollar payouts to for-profit telemarketing companies that did most of the fundraising.

Richard Stockton
Richard Stockton is a freelance science and technology writer from Sacramento, California.
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