The Accomplishments Of Kim Jong Il As Understood By North Koreans

North Korea has made the news again. It would appear that the World’s Craziest Dictatorship™ is at it again, but the sad truth is that the magic is gone. Things just haven’t been the same since the Dear Leader Kim Jong Il ascended to the Heavenly Throne and stopped personally guiding the nation through the depths of human madness.

If you want to understand where the antics of the Korean Workers’ Party come from, you have to understand the personality cult of Kim Jong Il. Lil’ Kim, as he wasn’t known but totally should have been, didn’t take the usual dictator’s path to power and seize it in a palace coup. Instead, he inherited North Korea from his father, Kim Il Sung, who actually did take a standard dictator’s path to power by fighting the Japanese, making nice with Stalin and Mao, and blaming the United States for everything. The country he built was a typical People’s Republic, with more concentration camp inmates than automobiles, but under the relatively sane guidance of Kim Il Sung it managed to chug along like a Pacific Rim Albania until the Great Leader’s death in 1994.

Kim Jong Il Biography Kids

Never mind the Grandma Moses painting in the background, we’re building socialism!
Source: The Atlantic

That’s when the country got surreal. As a potential leader, Kim Jong Il had no identity of his own. He hadn’t fought the Japanese, and he was a child during the Korean war. The only experience he had on ascending to the throne was sitting next to his father at party meetings. As 50.1 percent of American voters can tell you, that’s a recipe for disaster. Before his father was safely embalmed, Kim (the Lesser) had to develop his own identity or risk losing everything to genuinely talented rivals. And that’s where his cult of personality got started.

We’ve all fudged a bit on resumes, pausing briefly to wonder whether we could make “stockroom temp” fly as “logistics manager”. But just imagine if you had to take charge of a basket-case dictatorship just starting a four-year famine, your only accomplishment is “coined slogans and sat next to my dad,” and your only contact with reality comes from Hondo. What kind of lies would you tell about yourself then?

You would tell these kind of lies, it turns out. That link is to Kim Jong Il’s official biography, though we can’t recommend clicking it. A typical sample of the prose:

Kim Jong Il Biography Cap

They would use AP Style commas. Those commie bastards!

So, what are ordinary North Koreans being taught about Best Kim? And, more importantly, how are we supposed to laugh at this? Here are some of the highlights of the biography of Kim Jong (License to) Il, prefaced with somewhat more believable biographical notes on our own Great General: Chuck Norris.

13 Interesting Animals You Didn’t Know Existed

Through the natural process of evolution, earthly processes have created some of the most bizarre-looking creatures to wander this planet. Often relegated to remote, semi-unpopulated areas, they are difficult to study, and are often in danger of extinction, we take a look at some of the world’s interesting animals:

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Interesting Animals

The national animal of Pakistan, the Markhor is a sizable species of wild goat. The majestic beast’s most distinguishing feature is its massive spiral horns that can grow to be up to five feet long. They are on the endangered list, with less than 2,500 mature animals in existence. Source: My Modern Met

Maned Wolf

The maned wolf looks less like a wolf and more like a fox – even though they belong to a different genus. They can be found in South America and frequent places with tall grasslands, hence their really long legs. They are also known as the “skunk wolf” as they have a very…distinctive…odor. Source: My Modern Met

Fossa

Fossas live in Madagascar, and their looks fall between a cat and a ferret, with a little bit of cougar thrown into the mix. Being a carnivore, they are very sleek and muscular, are able to chase down prey with the greatest of ease. Source: My Modern Met

Zebra Duiker

Zebra Duikers look like tiny, chubby antelope, with stripes down their back and other zebra-like markings. Females are bigger than the males, contrary to the typical template of nature. They live in rainforests and eat mostly foliage, but they have a reinforced nasal bone that helps them crack open hard-skinned fruits. Source: My Modern Met

Interesting Animals Dhole

A canine species that lives in Southeast Asia, the dhole is another animal that bears resemblance to the fox and the wolf. They’re very social animals and tend to tackle way bigger prey, such as boar, buffalos, or even tigers. They’re endangered for a number of reasons, including a decreasing amount of prey, habitat loss, competition and disease from other feral dogs. Source: My Modern Met

Irrawaddy Dolphin

Here’s the first oceanic creature, the Irrawaddy Dolphin of Southeast Asia. With those little faces it’s hard to believe, but they are closely related to the killer whale- even though they more closely resemble the Beluga whale. The term Irrawaddy comes from Latin, meaning “short beak.” Source: My Modern Met

Interesting Animals Patagonian Mara

The Patagonian Mara is a furry rodent who greatly resembles a rabbit with long, spindly legs. They live in Argentina and large parts of Patagonia, mostly under the cover of shrubbery. Like common rabbits, they are also herbivores. Source: My Modern Met

Interesting Animals Pink Fairy Armadillo

A pink fairy armadillo sounds like a creature from a fantasy land, but they are very real. Unfortunately, they are on the endangered species list, so being a figment of fantasy might very well be true someday. Native to Argentina, they occupy grasslands and their pink exterior may serve as camouflage against the sandy dunes they call home. Source: My Modern Met

Red Muntjac

Also known as the “barking deer,” the red muntjac lives in India and greatly resembles a deer, with their antlers being their most peculiar feature. They are unbranched and can grow up to six inches long. They eat grass, but also dine on berries and bird eggs when they can find them. Source: My Modern Met

Interesting Animals Sunda Colugo

Also known as the sunda flying lemur, the sunda colugo can be found throughout Southeast Asia, and is actually pretty poorly named because it’s not a lemur and it can’t fly. Instead, it uses a very thin membrane to glide through the air. They are most active at night and eat flowers, young leaves and shoots. Source: My Modern Met

Barbirusa

Barbirusas belong in the pig family, and they’re also called by the oxymoronic term ‘pig-deer’. They are native to Indonesia and the males have very large tusks, like other species of pigs. They do not grind down the tusks through normal activities, so they can eventually penetrate the animal's own skull if they reach a certain length. Source: My Modern Met

Interesting Animals Tufted Deer

The protruded fangs on the male of this species give the illusion that they’re carnivores, but they eat grass like most deer. A close relative to the muntjac and usually found in China, they are being overhunted and slowly losing their habitat, but luckily they haven’t made it onto the endangered species list yet. Source: My Modern Met

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Videos Of Interesting Animals In Action

Enjoy this look at interesting animals from around the world? Be sure to check out our posts on fun facts and All That Is Interesting’s most interesting articles!

The Rarest Animals On Earth

Rarest Animals Sloth Up Close

Source: Wikipedia

So what is the rarest animal on the planet? Actually, that is a surprisingly difficult question to answer. Accurately determining the number of animals in a particular species is not a walk in the park since most don’t really participate in censuses. Some animals are so rare that they might already be extinct and we just don’t know it yet. Others are extinct in the wild and can only be found in captivity. But from what we know, the four creatures featured below are as rare as prime rib.

Pygmy Three-toed Sloth

Sloth Fish

Source: List Crown

The sloth is already one of the most adorable creatures on Earth, but to be honest, it’s not really much of a survivor. You put it in any kind of dangerous situation and it is likely to perform poorly. Therefore, it shouldn’t be that surprising to find out that the pygmy three-toed sloth is critically endangered.

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Paris Catacombs: Tunnels Of Death In The City Of Light

Paris Catacombs Wall

Source: ASA 100

Millions of people travel to Paris every year. It has some of the most recognizable landmarks and tourist attractions in the world. However, few of them make the time to visit the city of light’s dark corners: the catacombs. Housing some of the largest ossuaries in the world, if you ever find yourself in Paris, make sure to visit the City of the Dead resting right beneath your feet.

Paris Catacombs Entrance

A rather unassuming entrance…Source: Wikipedia

So what is it? An ossuary is a site used as a final resting place for skeletal remains. Sometimes these can be just a box or a room or, as is the case with Paris, an entire underground lair. Down in the catacombs, you will find the skulls and other bones from over six million people.

Paris Catacombs Three Skulls

Just three random skulls. About six million more where they came from. Source: Blogspot

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