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Everything You Think You Know About Cinco De Mayo Is Wrong

If you walk into just about any bar in the United States on May 5th, chances are that someone in there will be celebrating “Mexican Independence Day”. Not only are these people likely drunk, they’re also wrong. Says Alfonso Sumano, Regional Director of the Mexican Tourism Board in New York, “It is a big celebration of Mexican pride, and we’re OK with that, as long as everyone knows that it’s not related to Mexican independence.”

So let’s set the facts straight.

cinco de mayo facts Puebla battle

Source: Wikipedia

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Godawful Foods From Around The World

American cuisine is famously unhealthy, and the people who eat it are among the fattest humans in history. It turns out that high-fat, high-cholesterol, heavily processed food byproducts slathered in salt and oil isn’t good for you. This is even more true when the food is washed down with half a gallon of high-fructose corn syrup and combined with less exercise than some coma patients get. But you know what’s cool about America, world? We don’t eat bugs!

The same can’t be said for everybody. Here’s a look at some of the grossest foods foreigners make you eat when you visit.

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Gross Foods Thai Market

We were a little harsh in the introduction. On reflection, eating bugs makes a lot of sense. Most invertebrates aren't poisonous, after all, and they have a knack for processing the huge piles of waste we create into edible flesh. God knows there's no shortage of them, and—unlike pigs and cows—arthropods are so distantly related to humans that it's highly unlikely we'll ever get the flu from handling them. Still—gross. Double-gross, in fact: that front bin is filled with crickets and scorpions. We have no idea how you're supposed to eat scorpions, so we'll go with "don't." Source: Wikimedia

Gross Foods Chinese Kebab

Mmmm . . . chrysalis. Source: Horizons

Gross Foods Locust Plate

"Oh, no! A plague of locusts has descended and eaten all our crops! Whatever shall we eat now?" Source: Pattaya Newbie

Gross Foods Tarantula Platter

The obligatory platter of tarantulas. Get a 19-year-old waitress in hot pants to serve this up during the Super Bowl . . . yeah, we can see this taking off here.

Gross Foods Bamboo Worms

Thai food is partly inspired by Ferengi cuisine. Source: Blogspot

Gross Foods Palau Soup

Now this is more like it. That's clearly a type of soup, and it has all kinds of fresh vegetables in it. What do you suppose that dark mass in the bottom is? Probably some kind of seafood, right? Maybe a species of mussel unique to Palau or something . . . Source: Nasha Planeta

Gross Foods Palau Bat

Oh. It's, um . . . that looks like a bat. A whole bat. Fangs and claws and everything. Full disclosure: this article is sponsored by every tourist bureau in the world that's competing with Palau. Enjoy your vacation to literally anywhere else! Source: DEZ Info

Gross Foods Vietnam Balut

Balut is one of the more popular dishes in Southeast Asia and the Pacific. It's that rare food that crosses national and ethnic boundaries and can be enjoyed by people from dozens of cultures across a wide area of the Earth. It's also a goddamned duck embryo. The trick is to let the fetus develop to the point of hatching, then boil or fry it up and eat the whole thing including the beak, feathers, and bones. This artfully presented horror is from Vietnam, where the egg matures for up to 21 days. Source: Blogspot

Gross Foods Philippines Balut

In the Philippines, balut is only aged for about two weeks. You wouldn't think people from such a Catholic country would be in the habit of eating abortions, but maybe the shorter term of gestation has something to do with it. Source: Food n Culture

Gross Foods Marzu

All of the things we've gone over so far have been gross or odd from a Westerner's perspective, but that really just comes down to cultural bias. Sure the balut is gross, but people raised on it don't think so, and it's probably better for you than the BBQ wings you get at the strip club. In fact, a strong case can be made for eating crickets and grasshoppers, however foreign it seems. None of that stuff is acutely dangerous, after all. But this is casu marzu. Its name is (allegedly) derived from "cacio marcio," which is Italian for "rotten cheese." When Italians say a cheese is rotten, believe them. Source: Caustic Soda Podcast

Gross Foods Cheese Closeup

How rotten is it? Take a close look. Each of the lumps in this closeup is a writhing maggot. Here's how you make a traditional casu marzu: get a goat kid at the suckling stage. If the kid eats a single mouthful of grass, the recipe is ruined. Its stomach needs to be full of its mother's milk. Butcher the kid, seal its stomach—acid and all—and hang the thing near a window. Let it sit for a few weeks while the flies get at it and lay their eggs inside. Just as the smell has gotten so bad that the neighbors are calling the cops to report a suspected murder, cut it down, break it open, and enjoy it—maggots and all—with flatbread. Source: Img Kid

Gross Foods Casu Marzu

A few words of caution; first, those maggots jump, so wear a bib. Second, a properly aged casu marzu has rotted so hard that the fumes literally make the eyes water and burn the mucous membranes. The Italian government was actually moved to ban the cheese for several years, which worked as well as banning alcohol or marijuana generally does, but the European Union has recently declared the cheese "traditional" and lifted the ban. Source: YouTube

Gross Foods Sheep Head

Smalahove is the kind of thing that happens to you when you visit Norway. Despite appearances, it isn't a threat. It's actually one of those dishes that's currently making the transition from a degraded peasant meal to a national delicacy that's served with expensive wine. Source: Porjati

Gross Foods Hagymas

What do you suppose this is? There's a purple onion over there, so it probably isn't a dessert. Is it fried oysters and flour? Diced potatoes and lard? Pigeon brains, thickening agent, and cheese? Nope, it's hagymás sült vér, it's Hungarian, and it's fried pig's blood that's served for breakfast. This is also probably one of those "traditional" things that whole families crossed the Atlantic to escape during the 19th and 20th centuries. Source: Nasha Planeta

Gross Foods Kiviak Opening

Speaking of crossing the Atlantic, here's kiviak, which is hugely popular in Greenland. Well, it's as popular as anything can be in a land with fewer inhabitants than Kokomo, Indiana. Source: Funik

Gross Foods Kiviak Auk

In case you're thinking of throwing a traditional (there's that word again) Greenlandic wedding, kiviak takes some prep time. First, you have to catch hundreds of auks and stuff them inside a sealskin bodybag. Then press out the air, stitch it closed, and seal the thing with grease. All you have to do now is bury the thing under a bunch of rocks and let the delicious anaerobic bacteria go to work. The auks rot for between 3 and 18 months, at which time the whole package is ready to split open and eat. Source: Food and Wine

Gross Foods Two Auks

When preparing your kiviak, be sure to use only genuine auks—the more adorable the better—and accept no substitutes. In 2013, several people were taken ill after eating a kiviak that had been stuffed with eiders, which apparently don't rot as well as auks do. Live and learn. Source: Wikipedia

Gross Foods Pink Slime

Just in case you were concerned about the possibly ethnocentric slant of this article, here's some pink slime for you. Soylent Pink, as it's sometimes called, is made by scraping the lowest-quality beef trimmings from the inside of the cow's hide, and other locations, grinding it up, and putting it into a centrifuge. This squeezes out the fat, and the remaining product is pushed through tubes for a dose of ammonia gas or citric acid, which kills off the salmonella. The slime that comes out the other end may then be used as a bulk filler in beef—up to 15 percent by weight—and sold without any additional labeling in the United States. Pink slime is illegal in Europe, though we like to imagine a thriving underground smuggling operation. Source: YouTube

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International McDonalds Menus: The Recipe For Survival In The US?


Source: Huzlers

The Golden Arches may soon be only a memory in the States, as McDonald’s has seemingly lost its flame in the American market. Fast food restaurants like Chipotle and Shake Shack offer healthier options just as quickly as the aging fast food chain, and have a better public image. Even Burger King’s sales have risen by going back to the basics.

McDonald’s will have to make changes in order to survive, but if their non-American menus prove anything, it’s that they can meet local needs and tastes. If they transfer that to the domestic market, they might come out of their slump. Keeping plastic out of their chicken nuggets would also help.

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International McDonalds Menus Malaysia

Bubur Ayam is a favorite dish in Malaysia. It is a tasty porridge topped with scallions, ginger, fried shallots, chilies and the coup de grace: chicken strips. With the popularity of Asian restaurants in America, there’s no way this could fail. Source: CN Traveler


International McDonalds Menus Brazil

When McDonald’s Brazil does breakfast, it does it with class. This breakfast sandwich features a thick slice of tomato on top of Emmental cheese, with cream cheese and oregano. That sure beats a microwaved egg. Source: McDonalds


International McDonalds Menus Croatia

Croatian cuisine is an amalgamation of Mediterranean, French and Turkish traditions, so the use of flatbread was a great idea for McDonald’s McToast. The sandwich is stuffed with strips of ham and cheese. This would make a great competitor for Dunkin Donuts’ Wake-up Wrap. Source: Food Network


International McDonalds Menus Egypt

The McArabia is a folded pita sandwich available in Egypt, other Arab countries and Pakistan. Two grilled Chicken or Kofta patties are topped with vegetables and garlic sauce. That’s way better than the ranch sandwich. Source: Flush News


Germany’s McDonald’s restaurants offer fresh bread and rolls with honey, Nutella and ham for breakfast. They also knock the socks off of American McDonald’s by offering the McCurrywurst, a popular German sausage with curry sprinkles. Source: Fox


There’s no beef on the menu at McDonald’s in India, just juicy chicken and vegetarian meals. The McVeggie is made of spicy peas, carrots and potatoes and the Big Spicy Paneer Wrap features deep fried paneer cheese in a tortilla with vegetables. Source: Fox


International McDonalds Menus Japan

McDonald’s has combined traditional Japanese flavors by way of the green tea McFlurry, the McTeriyaki burger and the fried shrimp patty burger. You can also get cheddar cheese and red pepper seasoning packets for your chicken filets. No more boring strips. Source: Fox


International McDonalds Menus Mexico

The coolest item on Mexico’s menus is the McMollete, which is a miniaturized version of a traditional Mexican breakfast served on a roll. Refried beans are topped with cheese and salsa. Source: McDonald's

New Zealand

International McDonalds Menus New Zealand

McDonald’s bought out Georgie Pies fast food in 1996, and only brought the pies back in 2013 due to popular demand. Options for fillings include minced steak, chicken and vegetable, and apple and blackberry. Source: McDonald's


International McDonalds Menus Spain

McDonald’s Spain sells a vast array of interesting items, including gazpacho, which originated in the Andalusian region of the country. Desserts are quite diverse as well, featuring doughnuts, ice cream coffees and more McFlurry options. Source: Fox


International McDonalds Menus Taiwan

Forget that soggy bun. In Taiwan, you can order the Rice Burger with chicken or beef. You can also visit the maid café, where the female staff dress in Lolita styled maid outfits and refer to customers as “Master,” because there’s nothing strange about that at all. Source: Woman's Day


International McDonalds Menus Turkey

The Turkish Breakfast Plate might actually be a healthy choice, with eggs, vegetables and feta. Their menu is additionally exciting because you can completely spend those saved calories from breakfast on the MegaMac for dinner: a four beef patty sandwich with cheese. Source: Fox


International McDonalds Menus Italy

If your family is torn between the pizza place and McDonald’s, a trip to Italy can solve your problem. This is the Pizzarotto, a Stromboli-like pocket filled with tomato and mozzarella. If that’s not enough, you can also pick up a hunk of Parmesan cheese, too. Source: CN Traveler


International McDonalds Menus Venezuela

Venezuela features the Pollo CBO, which is a hunk of fried chicken topped with sautéed onions, bacon and nacho cheese. The American version was available for a limited time but had white cheese. You can also order yucca and arepas for side dishes. Source: McDonald's


International McDonalds Menus Norway

Norway’s McDonald’s menus are uniquely American. They serve Cajun and barbecue burgers alongside hot wings. However, their most interesting sandwich is the Chicken Salsa, which consists of a fried chicken patty topped like a taco. It even includes nacho chips. Take that, Taco Bell. Source: McDonald's

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