What do 1500 live lady bugs, a therapy book centered on clinching your butt, and a land tank all have in common? You can buy all of them at Amazon! And so we present the weirdest products on Amazon:
Are you a lowlife drunk that wants to maintain the air of social conformity and success? Then the Boozeberry is for you: a flask shaped like a Blackberry that holds 2 ounces of booze (or if you’re like me, booze and bleach). You can chug from this thing all day long and people around you will merely think “Wow, what an enterprising young man, he can literally suck out the productive business juice from a Blackberry!”
Perfect For: The recently laid off investment banker, who, no longer able to afford cocaine, has turned to Aristocrat vodka for his 11 AM wake-me-up.
How 1500 Ladybugs live through a couple of days of being shipped around the country beats me. And who exactly needs 1500 Ladybugs?
Perfect for: The next door neighbor who has the too-perfect garden.
4. How to Good-bye Depression: If You Constrict Anus 100 Times Everyday. Malarkey? or Effective Way?
With such chapters as Do 3-week fasting, save sex energy and rotate vortex and Erase your bad stickiness and multiply various good feeling, you know this book was written by a professional. Truthfully, I can’t tell if the author or the translator is at fault, but my sex vortex continues to be unrotated. But don’t take it from me, read the happy fun time description on the back cover:
I think constricting anus 100 times and denting navel 100 times in succession everyday is effective to good-bye depression and take back youth. You can do so at a boring meeting or in a subway. I have known 70-year-old man who has practiced it for 20 years. As a result, he has good complexion and has grown 20 years younger. His eyes sparkle. He is full of vigor, happiness and joy. He has neither complained nor born a grudge under any circumstance. Furthermore, he can make love three times in succession without drawing out.
You read right: 3 times in succession without drawing out. The writer, Hiroyuki Nishigaki, also seems to have a monopoly on awful author pictures:
Perfect For: Anyone who smokes too much weed or seeks out homeopathic solutions to their crippling mental issues. One of your Aunts probably fits into both of these categories.